Learn to think like your horse to become more present insteadof jumping to conclusions that harm your connection.
Article by Alexis Bennett, with Gilead 'Gil' Friedman
Courtesy of NRHA REINER
We’ve all been there. Words are left unsaid, questions are left unasked, assumptions are made, and a misunderstanding ensues.
We think we know what someone means based on previous experiences with them and start to anticipate a reaction. It’s possible even to be triggered by our assumptions without ever allowing the other party to respond. No one wins when this happens. This scenario is as likely to happen with your horse as with any other relationship in your life if communication isn’t a priority. That’s why listening and responding is important in your riding — to avoid
making assumptions that can lead to misunderstandings.
This is the third of a four-part series focused on developing high performance, fulfillment and well-being in the context of competitive reining. Inspired by “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, NRHA Professional Gilead “Gil” Friedman of Mental Athletics shares a
framework riders can use to manage the pressures of showing while maximizing their mental and emotional wellness.
The third agreement — don’t make assumptions — teaches you to be
present and listen to your horse.
Wired Differently
Horses are present beings. They exist for the here and now. When they’re hungry, they’re hungry. When they’re scared, they’re scared. They don’t think of the past and future as humans do, so they aren’t worried about the last show or the one ahead.
Humans are the opposite. We find it very difficult to be present; instead, we either worry about the past or get caught up in the future. We’re not inherently mindful or as present as horses. As a result, we tend to have a hard time focusing only on our ride.
Because we tend to think about situations before or after they happen rather than experiencing them, we sometimes assign meaning or make assumptions when no meaning exists. Humans can live very complex realities in their minds, whereas horses take what’s in front of them for what it is and don’t try to analyze it.
Riding requires a partnership between the rider — the competitor — and the horse — the athlete.
To assume positive intent during interactions. Connection and communication start with active listening — listening to understand rather than respond — and active acting. With horses, this means tuning into their body language, their reaction, and what they’re experiencing to respond in a supportive way. We must not make assumptions about what those indicators mean. For example, perhaps you do a rundown and stop in a training ride. It’s not great even though your horse typically stops well. You have a choice here. You can make assumptions, or you can listen and respond.
Making assumptions might mean you think your horse is lazy, trying to cheat you, or mad at you and trying to get back at you because you schooled them earlier in the ride. The alternative? You communicate. You had a hard conditioning session yesterday and this stop told you your horse is tired, not lazy. Maybe the horse is stressed you got after them earlier and is now hyper-reactive so the horse ran off a little in the stop. Maybe you realize you rushed the turn and didn’t get to prepare the horse adequately for the stop. When you don’t make assumptions, you get information to improve your communication and your ride.
Ways to Stay Present
Listen to your gut: When you know your horse, you’ll know when to stop. As soon as you get that signal, be brave enough to listen.
Have a goal for every ride: To help you find a stopping point, set a specific goal for the ride before you step in the saddle. It could be
something you’re working on for yourself or your horse, such as
conditioning or a specific maneuver.
Forget about linear progress: Horsemanship doesn’t improve linearly. Sometimes you have regressions and must work on a skill again. Other times your progress catapults forward. Training your horse requires an accumulation of work, and every experience will help your long-term growth. When you keep this in mind, you won’t make assumptions about where you should be or why your horse hasn’t reached a certain milestone. You are where you are.
Competition in the Mind
Even if you have a strong partnership with your horse, communicate well and are present in practice, you can still fall prey to anticipation when a show approaches. Friedman shared that it’s not uncommon for riders to get “sand-clock syndrome” when preparing for a show. Instead of riding as they always do, they start thinking about their practices in terms of how many are left before the big day. The competitive environment isn’t the show. It’s a state of mind. If you always have it in mind, you constantly think about what you need to do to have a successful show. While it’s reasonable to have a long-term plan, overanalyzing and worrying about your horse’s performance for an extended time before the show is a trap. You will constantly wonder: “Where is my horse? Are they ready to show? Are we going to be ready by then?” When the mental calculations start, beware. It usually causes you to get so caught up in the progress that you start to assume rather than listen and act. You start to prioritize the schedule over your horsemanship. Usually, it causes unnecessary pressure that impacts your horse’s mental state and readiness to show.
Rewiring Yourself
Your job as a competitor is to protect your horse’s mental state. Instead of winding them up with your timeline, anxiety and worries, be present. Let them be, and listen. Remember that horsemanship is a journey. You’ll never be completely ready because there will always be something you can work on — a skill to improve, more conditioning or your mindset. Once you’ve come to terms with that, you can focus on what you need to do each day and each ride to have a better ride tomorrow. When it comes to balancing your long-term plan with being present, the trick is to have a goal for a specific ride each day. You aren’t necessarily planning for an outcome in terms of good or bad; it’s simply the thing you are working on that day to move toward the goal. For example, you might work on a specific maneuver, drills related to an area you’re trying to improve or overall conditioning. Whatever the goal is for the day, be done when you’re done. This plan gives you a sense of a start and finish to your ride. It will be easier to find a stopping point, as well as to avoid falling into the “just one more thing” trap that can derail you and your horse. You might ask, “But how do I know when I’m done?” The answer is that if you’re present, mindful and listening, you’ll know. You’ll sense when it’s time to be done. You’ll also gain the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve been an effective leader to your horse because you’re acting from a place of intuition rather than pressure and assumption.
Gilead “Gil” Friedman, founder and
head coach of Mental Athletics, brings
more than 20 years of industry experience
to his perspective on horse-sport
performance psychology. The NRHA
Professional, who grew up riding
performance horses and worked under
several NRHA Professionals in the U.S.,
recognized mental performance coaching
as a vital element of competitive reining
preparedness. Mental Athletics delivers tailored, one-on-one coaching and
on-demand learning to professionals and non pros worldwide, helping
them become more skilled horsemen and resilient competitors. Friedman
is based out of Rishpon, Israel.
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